If Snapchat Friend Emojis Were Accurate

2015 was the year of Snapchat, and 2016 is the year you’re uncool if you still don’t get it. As always on social media, it’s a mad dash to make sure you’re not the last to know. The White House is in the house, Wall Street Journal is coming to terms with Millennials, and Hillary added another endearingly self-deprecating lesson on social media to her campaign.

We can all agree Snapchat is . From bringing filters to charging for filters to not charging for filters, everything pertaining to Snapchat is hot-button news.

Last year, Snapchat replaced their Best Friends feature with detailed friend emojis, much to everyone’s initial confusion and subsequent apathy. If you never quite got a grasp on the emoji meanings, you can get Snapchat’s descriptions here or in the app itself (under Settings > Additional Services > Manage > Friend Emojis).

 

 That friend that is posting to their Story, but won’t text you back.

Basically, the new ghosting. Am I right?

I know my hashtag influencer friends might be guilty of this, but I’m not mad. It’s the trendiest new way to throw shade and show priorities. The best way to get back at them is to text them in the middle of their hip Spotify-soundtracked dance session. Oh, is that snap video unusable now, Kylie?

 

 That friend that responds to every snap with Snaptext instead of a video/picture.

*Starts jeering from back of the room* Stop it. Snapping is a give-and-take, so it’s no fun if you’re just commenting on every snap without showing your reaction or viewpoint. If you’ve got nothing to share, then wait to snap back until you do!

 

 That friend that never takes selfies.

I know, I know. I’m guilty of this one. And while I love fighting our self-absorbed, selfie-obsessed society (Anarchy now! ) with my introverted vigor; the truth is that it’s hard to juggle all of the Snapchat Stories, and sometimes it’s helpful to connect your face with your brand. #Transparency for all.

 

 That friend that only takes selfies.

We get it; you’re feeling yourself. Can’t stop, won’t stop. Should I make another reference to the very pop divas whose social media feeds so ostentatiously illustrate this point? Okay. Well, there’s nothing wrong with being confident. Except when your confidence is photo-bombing your actual life. Is that Bali in the background? Show us the beach, then your new swimsuit.

 

 That friend that Snapcomments on every snap in your whole story.

Love the engagement, hate the FOMO. Live your life, Snapchatters!

 

 That friend that only snaps you what’s on their Story.

Over and over, we’ve seen Snapchat position itself as a messaging app, not justing another social medium to share. So if you’re only Snapping to get those opens, you’re doing it wrong. You’re a human, not a story-bot. Add value by sending direct snaps with behind-the-scenes or salacious secrets.

 

 That friend that opens and doesn’t respond until 2+ hours later.

Everyone knows the 2-minute rule (Awkward if you don’t; essentially, if someone opens and doesn’t respond in 2 minutes, chances are they won’t respond at all.) So, it really throws the Snapchat game off if you take more than 2 minutes to respond. As Snapchat darling @wtfrankie says, “Don’t overthink it.” So respond right away, or don’t respond at all, but anything more is downright confusing (and out of touch).

 

 That friend that doesn’t open Snaps for like a week.

Do you even Snapchat, bro?

 

That friend that watches everything and snaps nothing.

Don’t be creepy, Mom. Social media is always going to be a two-way street. Engagement, engagement, engagement. Have I mentioned #engagement?

 

So there you have it. Feel free to add these, Snapchat; I won’t surprise-charge you.

Snapchatters, what friend emoji has been missing from your feed? Share this with the guilty parties, and Snapchat your favorite emoji to me at @jenaprats!

Stay tuned for my next piece, “If Snapchat Trophies Were Accurate,” coming as soon as I feel secure in this piece’s success. (So maybe never.)